I'd wear matching sweaters with you
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
3 2 1 whiskey
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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