You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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