he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
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My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
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