That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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