I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
