ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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