There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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