My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
