haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Randomize
