This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
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Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
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Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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