Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
