Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Randomize