btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
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