I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
