Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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