Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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