The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
