I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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