I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
