I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
