chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Randomize
