I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
