If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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