We're like a lot better than the average bears
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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