never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
