ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
