im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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