You can't motorboat a personality
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
