Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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