U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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