if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
We have so much sex to catch up on
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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