Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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