Where did you get a picture of my penis
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
