absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
