i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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