all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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