Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm at about main and main street
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Someone signed my nipple.
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