I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
