so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
