A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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