fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize