I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I know her cup size but not her name....
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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