I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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