i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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