And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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