am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
