Ambien. No doubt about it.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
