Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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