how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
