Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
