Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
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i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
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Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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