how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
