Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
