Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
