Sponge bath it is.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
