I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
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There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
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what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
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