Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
