I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
