that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
