my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
