I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
She tied me up with her honor cords...
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
