There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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