If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I could fuck to npr.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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