Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
last night I used snow as a chaser
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
