I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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