yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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