It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
