i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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