just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
