Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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