Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
