Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
